Acknowledgments
Introduction
The Two-Thousand-Year Debate
Functions of Halakhah in Guiding Marital Relationships
This Volume: Inclusions and Exclusions
Part One. Marital Duties and Scheduled Sex: Torah and Mishnah
1. Legislating Marital Sexuality: Biblical and Rabbinic Mandates
Introduction
Torah’s Two Foundational Narratives of Human Sexuality
Talmudic Interpretations of Adam and Eve’s Relationship
Marital Duties in Torah, Mishnah, and Talmud
The Revolutionary Rabbinic Marriage Contract
Rules for Onah’s Frequency
Romantic and Liberal Critiques of the Mishnah’s Obligatory Sex
Two Ultra-Orthodox Rejoinders to the Romantic Critique of Onah
Modern Applications: Perel’s Scheduling of Intimacy and the Youngs’ Sexperiment
Conclusion
Part Two. Talmudic Disputes: Kama Sutra versus Ascetic Modesty in Three Rabbis’ Bedrooms
2. Talmudic Proprieties of Pillow Talk: Invading the Privacy of Rav’s Bedroom
Introduction
Kahana’s Espionage in Rav’s Bedroom
Rabbinic Views on Privacy
Akiba: Torah over Privacy
Kahana’s True Character?
Halakhic Debate on Pillow Talk
Rav’s Worldview: Love and Pleasure
Maimonides, Elazar Hasid, and Hirsch
Conclusion: Takeaways for a Modern Marriage
3. Modesty or License in the Marital Bed: Talmudic Debates about Imma Shalom and Rabbi Eliezer’s Midnight Sex
Introduction
Eliezer’s Bedroom Etiquette
The Angelic Code of Modesty
Contesting Ascetic Traditions
Birth Defects and Emotionally Defective Relationships
The Medieval Legal Debate
Modern Applications: Ben-Shimon, Soloveitchik, and Calderon
4. Talmudic Techniques of Arousal: Rav Hisda’s Sex Education Tutorial for His Daughters
Introduction
Hisda’s Erotic Pedagogy
Modern Applications for Orthodox Couples: Aviner and Shuchatowitz’s Marital Guidelines and Sigala’s Sensual Portraiture
Conclusion
Part Three. Medieval Mysticism and Law: Sacred Love and Legal Limits
5. A Mirror of the Divine Union: Kabbalists’ Sacred Eros of Marriage
Introduction
Midrash on the Cherubs’ Erotic Embrace
Ra’avad’s Kabbalist Manual for Sexual Union
Aristotelian Jewish Philosophers versus Kabbalist Platonists
Zohar: Reconceiving Erotic Pleasure
Marital Intimacy: Zohar versus Lurianic Kabbalah
Marital Intimacy: Talmud versus Zohar
New Age Applications: Kabbalah Centre, Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, and Dennis on Spiritualized Sexuality
Conclusion
6. Freestyle Eroticism? Permissive versus Ascetic Medieval Codes of Law
Introduction
Permissive School: Maimonides and Isaac the Tosafist
Ascetic School: Karo on Sanctity against Desire
Permissive School: Reply to Karo
Dissemination of Karo’s Ideology
Conclusion: Medieval Legacies and Modern Predicaments
Addendum: Maimonides’ Prescriptions for Medieval Viagra
Part Four. Contemporary Haredim: Hasidim versus Litvaks on Marital Intimacy
7. Ascetic Bedrooms: Hasidic Sects Set Stringent Boundaries on Marital Intimacy
Introduction
The Besht versus the Maggid on “Worship through Physicality”
Historic Origins: Sanctity through Stringency
Gur’s Ordinances Police the Bedroom
Slonimer Rebbe’s Pep Talk
Arranged Marriages and the Women of Gur
A Disenchanted Disciple of Skver Hasidism
Conclusion: Takeaways for a Modern Marriage
8. “Break Their Evil Nature”: Litvak Yeshivot and Salanter’s Mussar Suppress Desire and Familial Affection
Introduction
Litvak Beginnings and the First Modern Yeshiva
The Legacy of Premodern Ascetic Piety
Salanter’s Mussar Movement: Yeshiva Education Curbs Natural Inclinations
Salanter’s Legacy: The Kelm, Navaredok, and Slabodka Schools
Mussar’s Apathy to Wife and Family
Shifting Sands of Mussar: Wolbe’s Yoke of Marriage and North America’s Revival of Mussar
Conclusion: Paradigm Shift from Mussar’s Apathy to Litvak Intimacy
9. Devotion and Desire: Litvak Revolution Equates Marital Intimacy with True Piety
Introduction
Hazon Ish’s Holy Letter: Championing Marital Conversation
Kanievsky’s Holy Letter: Marital Passion and Compassion
Sher’s Letter, The Holiness of Israel: Reviving Haredi Desire
Conclusion
10. Higher Purposes of Marriage: Education for Love, Peace, and Sanctity
Introduction
Shuchatowitz: The Grave Sin of Rushed Sexual Performance
The Scholar’s Onah: Shuchatowitz versus Aviner
Marital Sexuality as the Synthesis of Nature and Spirituality
Covenantal Marriage
Loveless Sex Desecrates Sacred Matrimony
The Higher Purposes of Onah: Love and Unity, Humanity and Sanctity
Conclusion
11. Couple Communication as a Mitzvah: New Litvak Marriage Manuals Teach the Art of Loving Conversation
Introduction
Flashback to Talmudic Pillow Talk
Permitted Spousal Communication: Removing Acrimony and Arousing Desire
Aviner’s Advice: Making a Study of One’s New Spouse
Shuchatowitz’s Advice: Acknowledging Gender Differences in Marriage
Haredi Educators Combine Sanctity and Intimacy
Litvak Revolution or Haredi Crisis Management?
Conclusion
Part Five. Modern North American Rabbis: Confronting the Sexual Revolution
12. Redeeming Sexuality through Halakhah: Modern Orthodox Philosophers of Jewish Law Sanctify Pleasure within Marriage
Introduction: Comparing Haredim and North American Liberal Rabbis
Toward a Modern Orthodox Philosophy and Practice of Sanctified Sex
Greenberg’s Proposal to Modernize American Orthodoxy’s Sexual Ethics
Linzer and Marcus’s Podcast, The Joy of Text
Berkovits: Humanizing Sexual Relationships
Soloveitchik: Redeeming Natural Sexuality
Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage
Lichtenstein’s “Of Marriage” and Ostroff’s To Know How to Love
Orthodox Women’s Internet Responsa
Conclusion
13. Struggling with Sexual Liberation: Liberal Judaism’s Rabbis Tackle Ominous and Liberating Dimensions of the Sexual Revolution
Introduction
Problems Raised by Sexual Liberation
Formulating Liberal Rabbinic Responses
Borowitz: Covenantal Sexual Ethics
Green: New Halakhah and New Kabbalah
Strassfeld: Sexual Togetherness as Tikkun Olam
Waskow: A Life-Cycle Approach to Sex Ethics
Conclusion
14. Sliding-Scale Sex Ethics: Liberal Halakhah Balances Marital Sanctity and the Realities of Nonmarital Sex
Introduction
Sexual Ethics through Jewish Values Clarification
Conservative and Reform Responsa
Three Tiers of Liberal Sexual Ethics
Traditional Halakhah and Contemporary Conservative Jews
Realistic Halakhah Condones Lesser Sins to Avoid Greater Sins
Test Case 1: Adultery Revisited
Test Case 2: Open Marriage and Polyamory
Conclusion
15. Legalizing Living Together? Competing Rabbinic Policies
Introduction
Historical Background: The Pilegesh
Emden’s Pathbreaking Halakhah: Enhancing Marital Lovemaking and Legalizing a Paramour
On Living Together: Contemporary Halakhic Debate
Test Case 3: Caring for the Caretaker Whose Spouse Is Incapacitated
Conclusion
16. A Feminist Alternative to Halakhic Marriage: Jewish Theologians Rethink the Marriage Contract and Gender Biases
Introduction
Radical Jewish Feminism versus Liberal Judaism: Revolution or Reform?
Radical Jewish Feminism versus Secular Feminism: Sacred or Private Relationships?
Plaskow’s Approach: Women Returning to Sinai
Adler’s Approach: Redeeming Tradition for Egalitarian Holiness
A New and Renewed Aggadah for Covenantal Love
A New Halakhah: B’rit Ahuvim
Multiform Sexuality, Gender Fluidity, and Hybridity as Divinely Blessed
Conclusion
Conclusion: Aggadah and Halakhah of Marriage
Aggadah of Gender Justice versus Gender Equality
Aggadah of Sexual Playfulness versus Spiritualized Sanctity
Aggadah of Negative versus Positive Sanctity in the Institution of Marriage
Aggadah of Negative versus Positive Sanctity in Sexual Relations
Halakhah of Onah: Male Prerogative versus Female Right
Halakhah of Caring Communication
Halakhah’s Labors of Love
Notes
Bibliography
Index